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Darren Ball
What is Darren Ball, you ask? I'll tell you, Darren Ball is the biggest classroom sport to hit schools since paper football. Soon, children all across the country will be playing Darren Ball instead of doing schoolwork. Darren Ball was invented by the same man who popularized finger-penning, the legendary, late, great, almighty Darren.
What is needed for this sport of the future? A few simple things that most anyone has. (Not Ronnie though, he's Chinese.) All you need is a pen, a piece of paper, and an extremely high amount of skill. Let's get a little more specific, shall we?
The Pen: Ever heard the saying "The pen is mightier than the sword"? Well that really has nothing to do with anything right now. Other than the pen part. You'll need a pen with one of those clippy-on-the-shirt things. Generally, metal pens work better than plastic ones, due to the extra weight. Here is a prime example of a Darren Ball pen, in fact, these are the official Darren Ball pens.
The Paper: The second key element in Darren Ball, the usefulness of this tool is often overlooked, seen only as a place to dump ink or graphite. Darren saw past this, saw the true use of paper, and that, is Darren Ball. First off, you'll want a not-flimsy paper, but not too thick either, or else it won't work. It is also a good idea to decorate your piece of paper. Be as creative with your decorations as you want!
The Technique: Here's where I actually explain what it is that you do in Darren Ball, the greatest game of all time. First, you hold the pen in your right hand, clippy-on-the-shirt thingy outward, the paper in your left hand with one of the edges facing upwards. (*Note* Reverse everything if you're a lefty, you weirdo.) Second, you throw the pen so that the clippy-on-the-shirt thingy catches onto the paper, thus keeping the pen from falling. If you make a bad throw, this is compensated for by manuevering your non-throwing hand into a position that would allow the pen to be caught on the paper. This is called a "successful catch", or a "Darren". It's common to shout a random exclamation after achieving a "Darren", like "w00t!" or "My pants! My pants!". This is the basic idea of Darren Ball.
The Tricks: Now you may be saying "Gee, Dexter, that seems like it'd get boring after a while..." (You may be saying this, I personally am content with throwing a pen at a piece of paper.) Well, you're in luck, once you've mastered the basic toss-and-catch of Darren Ball, you can then go on to bigger and better things. No, I don't mean "real" sports, such as football, soccer, or badminton, you can variate your throws and catches to effectively creates billions of different combinations. The following is a list of the known tricks, but of course, the Mountain Pointe Darren Ball Team is constantly coming up with new tricks to use in competition.
| Trick Name | Description |
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| J-Bomb | Arms are held outstretched on either side, and the pen is thrown so that it must travel almost your entire armspan before being caught. Not considered a J-Bomb if the pen is released past the head. |
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| The Black Hole | The edge of the paper with the holes must be used for this trick. Accuracy is the key for this trick. The clippy-on-the-shirt thingy must fall through one of the holes. After this trick is done, it's become custom to grasp the paper by the bottom and flip it upside-down, with the pen hanging from the hole, to show your friends that you successfully achieved a Black Hole. |
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| The Xuxa Flip (pronounced Shoe-Sha) | Named after Darren's dog, this trick starts with the pen upside-down, clippy-on-the-shirt thing facing yourself. The pen is then thrown upwards, flipping 180 degrees, and catching on the paper. A very difficult trick to master. |
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